Connections - Episode 1

A few days. It's cool if I crash, right?

Of course, man. Just purr a lot, meow at night, and you're all good.

I can handle that.

Allison sent out an R-Space bulletin.

You're R-Spacing my exes.

It's the only way to K-I-T.

You're such a dork.

I even met a girl on there. Who?

Talia. Glover?

The Author Stack Podcast. You fucked him, didn't you? No. No. I don't believe you. Delia, I didn't. Fine.

I fucked him. You happy now?

Um, yeah, pretty much. Just because someone flashes you a smile does not entitle them to hide the baloney pony. Gross. You could get to know someone, find out if they're interested in you. There's this whole range of emotions you can have between lusting after someone and loving them. I did love Sean. I know I did.

It felt so right. I know it did, sweetheart. It always does. God, I love good gossip. No, Delia, you have to keep this to yourself. Why? It's embarrassing. I hate myself. Look, the entire campus doesn't already know. Still, you can't tell anyone. Can I admit I know if I'm asked? Sure. What if I'm tortured? Delia!

I just want to get my facts straight. What if I'm drugged by the CIA with one of those truth serums? You're a real cunt, you know that? You love it. He just left. But you knew he was in love with someone else. What did you expect? I just don't understand why this keeps happening to me. I know.

I know. It's okay.

And you were just commenting back and forth on our space for hours. Oh my God. He's a real man. Justin is anything but a real man. Yeah, but you're dating Larry, so your opinion doesn't really matter. What's wrong with Larry? Uh, how about he's gross and still lives at home? Like Justin isn't?

I mean, neither of them work. Yeah, but that's different. Justin has his own house. Yeah, but his parents bought him. Plus he's hot. Oh, okay. So if you're hot, you can't be gross. Duh. That's like the golden rule. Look, Larry's okay. You'd like him. He always has a lot of pot. You don't date potheads, Tal.

You use them for a connection. And then you sleep with the connection. That's how business works. Definitely. You can sleep with whoever you want, as long as they're cute and they can get you something. Right, Sarah? Aw, you're such a little whore. You see what we mean, Tal? We only want what's best for you.

You can still screw them, but you can't date them. Look, I'm not gonna screw anyone. Jesus, Clarissa. How did we come out of the same womb? Beats me. I always just figured that I was adopted. No. You're not adopted. You're just a bitch. Okay, this is a bummer. Can we talk about something interesting?

I bet Justin is great in bed. He walks with kind of like a limp. What's that mean? Duh. He totally has a huge package. And that's good? Hello? Bigger is better. You don't want like an itty bitty flaccid one. You want it rock hard and huge. You're acting like you've never done it before. Oh, I totally have.

You're such a little whore. When are you going to see him? Tonight. He's having a party. That's perfect. You'll totally sleep with him. Enough. Look, you don't have to sleep with anyone to get their respect. Okay, prude. Sex is fun. And even when it isn't, it still makes people like you.

Clarissa, sweetheart, you don't have to listen to her. Just stay true to yourself, okay? Ugh, whatev. Sex sells. If Clarissa doesn't sleep with Justin, he's not going to keep dating her. And if he doesn't keep dating her, let's just say it would be tragic.